Dictionary of Farting

A

air biscuit n as in "Who launched an air biscuit"

air blast n A powerful fart that when released, makes only a loud "whoosh" sound

air buffet n Like an air biscuit, but hangs around a long time and may be revisited many times.

air tulip n the kind of fart done by the Queen or Penelope Keith

arse cruncher n your bum crunches shut suddenly after this one

ass rumble n the ominous noise inside your body before a fart lets fly

assasination n dropping a silent one in a crowded room and getting someone else to take the blame thus killing their street cred.

B

Balloon fart n you know when you blow up a balloon and then pull the neck out so the air escapes with a long squealing shriek Some people can do this with their bum!!

Ball tearer n more ferocious than the nut knocker q.v.

Barking Spider n The instrument through which the fart issues

Barn burner n farmyard favorite, synominous with cow sheds

beefer n a long juicy fart with plenty of side orders

bender n when you bend over the bowel is compressed and any fart lurking is instantly and noisily expelled

B.P n Bad Patrol - from the gas generated by fear during military combat

Big Stinky, The n When your grandpa farts

blazer n ideal for lighting, although you didn't hear that from us

blowing heat n rather like packing heat, as in carrying a gun, with intent to do harm

blow off n typical juvenile fart

blow your horn v quite timely of musical connotation, Begins in Forte and slowly diminishes

blupper n when you let out a fart very slowly to be able to hear every single clap that your bum makes

boa's belch n when your colon becomes so full of gas that it takes on a life of it's own. Often likened to a boa-constrictor with a full belly. The resulting burp is long and very satisfying

Boom n, BOOM!!!

botty burp n loud but of short duration.

breather n feels like a big one but upon release simply exhales a small amount of air like a sigh

breezer n large and silent, makes curtains move, not to be confused with the popular Barcardi drink

Bronx Cheer n farting in a rough New York bar while singing 'Maria' from West Side Story

brown pants fart n leaves a brown spot on your pants. Judging by the number of people who submit farts 'when you do a bit of poo in your pants' I feel we can no longer ignore this phenomenon.

buddy n a rapid firing, bumpy fart, sounds great on a wooden chair

bum blower n we have it on good authority that this like a doorbell gone wrong (and not in any way related to any other bottom activity)

burnout n so hot and long it fries it's own follow through

butt burp n American for Botty Burp qv

butt buster n actually inflicts pain as it passes

butt flapper n occurs in those with unusually loose bum cheeks

bvoy n good ferts (we embrace farts of all nations)

C

cabbage fart n brassica hell

cano fart n and I quote, "this is a fart wen you fart shoot out you crap like a canon,"

carpet slipper n Old ladies who let one on the sly and pretend they can't smell a thing

carpet stainer v a fart so colourful it leaves a stain on your shag pile

cheek flapper n when your mudflaps go flappa-flappa-flappa

Chemist's Fart n presumably they do and when it happens it probably smells like some kind of mad experiment

chuff v to blow smoke from one's arse al la Thomas the Tank Engine

Church fart n in church or chapel, let it rattle

Clean But Itchy adv the effects from a good feed of Guiness, (we are guessing this one came from Ireland where they know a good thing when they feel it!)

Cockney cheers n Farting in a crowded public house whilst singing 'Knees up Mother Brown'

code blue n so pungent the victim requires emergency resuscitation

cop fart n a) fart dropped in a patrol car at the end of the shift just before the next cop gets in b) a fart heard in the middle of court and every cop in the courtroom snickers cos they know who did it

coughing fart n cough to cover up a bad fart. see kachoo

country cough n best done in the open air, preferably near a farm yard

covered wagon n see 'Dutch Oven' qv

crap a fart v follow through of the worst kind, you don't wanna do this

crop dusting v silently passing gas while walking past others then quickly vacating the area leaving the others to suffer the ill consequences

cushion creeper n emitted whilst the posterior is seated on the sofa. The sound can be defined as a walrus being suffocated by a 20 year old "Easy Night" feather based pillow

cut a walnut v mmmm, just like biting into a crisp walnut, and fulsome too

cut the cheese v as in smelling as bad as a ripe camembert

D

dog fart v to fart in the vicinity of a dog, thus being able to blame the hapless canine

dribbly n quite a scary fart, this one, due to the chance your Mum will find the evidence

drop dead fart v the opposite of Drop Dead Gorgeous

drop your guts v to smell this is to know the meaning of fear

duck tread v to have such loose control that with every step a distinct quack can be heard

Dutch Oven n to fart in bed and then push your partner under the covers to enjoy the atmosphere

duvet lifter n an early morning fart capable of raising 13 togs

E

eggberter n eggy, mmmm, oh so eggy!

enclosed fart n any fart released in an enclosed space, ie car or lift. Can be responsible for the sudden onset of claustraphobia in others

F

fahrt n German word - literally means 'it goes' therefore applied to Continental farts

fanny fart n loud emission 'phrrrts' from your front botty

fart v.i. (vulg.) Emit wind from anus. ~ n. (vulg.) Emmision of wind from anus.

fartaholic n someone who thinks day and night about farts. Admitting you have problem is halfway to solving it.

fartattack n fart after fart after fart. Nasty.

fartcar n someone who is filled up with gas and destroys the ozone layer when the fumes exit the 'car'

fartknocker n someone who is very proud of their farts

fartorama n Some kind of museum of farts which attracts vistors with the following catchy ditty: 'If you got a Fart, Bring it right here, We love to hear, Anytime of the year'

feather fart n light and tickly, this one gives you the power of flight

fire in the hole adj. hot wind after a vindaloo

Flatulent adj. Generating gas or air in the alimentary canal; caused by, attended with, troubled with, accumulation of this; (fig.) inflated, puffed up, windy, pretentious.
Flatulence v.Flatulently adv.

Flatus n Gas, air, in stomach, or bowel.

floorboard lifter n can actually draw nails from planks

flotch n don't even think about doing the Daz washing powder challenge after this one

fluid drive n wet result of trying to fart too hard

fluffy n particulary feminine fart, silent but ticklish

flutter blast v fart so powerful it is capable of blowing away small animals or children.

fog horn n, very loud fart capable of confusing oil tankers 20 miles out

follow through v Loud wet raspberry sound followed by a swift squirt into ones pants, Not recommended whilst suffering from Diarrhoea

freep v The pathetic little fart that sounds like a trimphone.

frit v tight nylon knickers, plastic office chair

G

gas n the substance a fart is composed of, and that's more information than you really need!

gale force wind n weatherman's favourite, blows away wigs and lays the nation low

great big flowery woof woof v An on stage performance by a theatre 'Lovey'.

greaser n leaves an oily residue

guff v a relaxed release of wind, often whilst in good company.

gusse v to fart whilst suffering from diarrhoea, see follow through qv

gustus interruptus n The sudden contraction of the spincter caused by the realisation that the 'product' may not be entirely gaseous

H

Hershey Squirt n a somewhat chocolatey substance which appears after executing a fart

Hold Your Nose Fart n you have been warned, just think about it!

Honker n sounds like an irrate driver who is late for work leaning on their horn

hurl fart n, sounds like someone vomiting and the smell of which makes you feel like vomiting

hydroflatus n farting underwater. The bubbles can be ignitied at the surface

I

Iron Giant n, when a construction worker farts really loud on a sheet of metal and the metal amplifies the sound

J

jumper n emitted by children skipping rope and women during 'high impact' aerobics

K

kachoo n, v a fart you have been holding back some time but which escapes loudly when you sneeze

karaoke fart n a sequence of farts comprising of tunes to sing a long to

knicker knocker n has enough force to blow the pants off anybody

knicker ripper n able to slice through silk like a hot knife through butter

L

laid an egg n few things in life smell as bad as a rotten egg but this is one of them

launch a loaf n akin to an airbiscuit this fart is more your sarnie

L.B.P. n Loud But Proud, an uplifting trumpeting sound, particulary associated with Louis Armstrong (he was partial to a curry)

let off v the coast is clear, there's no one to hear, it's safe to 'let off', especially when you haven't had the chance for a while and the pressure has been building

let Polly out of jail v rather talkative botty burb with plenty of character

let rip v to expel excess gas with enough force to "rip" one's pants.

lingerer n no, it still smells in there even after half an hour

lit the match v to fart so violently it actually ignites the match. Do not try this one at home

L.O.G. v Letting One Go. Being powerless to might of the Fart

lonesome fart n One who farts freely and wishes there was someone else with them so they could at least be embarrassed

low rider v very low pitched and noticeable, may cause rumbling of the cheeks, best on leather couches.

M

machine gun n rapid succession of ballistic farts

Mariah Carey v many people think Mariah is named after the wind. In fact it is because she is like a high pitched squeal emitted from the arse capable of shattering glass

matchlighter n a fart only released by a person by the name of Corey

Mexican Fart n you fart, then the person next to you farts and then their neighbour farts and so on around the room, the cumulative smell of which brings tears to the eyes

mmmBop n sounds like the chorus to that Hanson song, usually occurs in rounds

monkey claw n feels like a thousand monkeys are trying to tear up your colon (though how you might know this is anybody's guess)

musky turnip n smells like your grandmothers bedroom closet

N

nasty n, adv. particulary pungent, first use linked to bad tempered tennis star, Ille Nastase

nut knocker n, adv. when gaseous emmisions pass by testicles with too much force

O

open yer lunchbox v to let off a fart reminiscent of yesterday's egg sandwich.

one cheek sneak v to lift one buttock in order to ease the quiet expulsion of gas

P

pant ripper n the combination of corrosive gases and powerful action mean this fart is Calvin Klein's nightmare

parp v a new manifestation of road rage, drivers release this fart when some idiot pulls out in front of them

patuni n foreign for fart, possibly onomatopoeic, ie sounds like what it is

passing gas v to give gas to someone else

pedo v viento ligero que sale del ahujero y anuncia la cagada (couldn't have said it better myself)

peeling the paint off the wall v a fart so bad it bruises your bum cheeks and fills the air with a flagilant odor, causing the paint to exit the drywall

peep v when birds fart

peter v released during a good laugh, often accomapnied by a bit of pee

piffle n, small, feminine and baffled by the gusset

pip v tiny, almost imperceptable, fart

pipe rotter v lesser known reason for many diseases of the bowel

plopal v an uncomfortable feeling of something more than just gas

pocket frog n the noise made by a captive amphibian

poketoot n small, Japanese, over rated and everywhere

poop gopher n when you fart and a little brown fellow just pops out his head

poot n a cute little fart, often applied to yappy little dogs when they are sleeping

pop n when you feel gasier and gasier until finally 'POP!'

pop off n derived from the Russian, popov, for small inconspicuous fart

pump n adult posh name for small squeaky fart

pyroclastic flow v The fart typically moves at speeds of over 60 miles per hour (100 km/hr) and reaches temperatures of over 800 Degrees Farenheit (400 degrees celsius).

Q

quack n bird-like in the wet, waddling sense

queef n not really a fart in the Biblical sense, this is a noise made by females, suffice to say it tickles

quiffer n done in the bathtub, accompanied by a blast of bubbles

R

Rabbi rattler n on Yom Kippur, to hurry up the sermon from the Rabbi so you can exit the 'gog' to facilitate an early breaking of the fast i.e. reload !

racing stripes n tracks left in the underwear of one who 'follows-through'. Often described as the Turin Shroud of Farts

Rapid Fire n repeat action, high velocity, as used by the Royal Marines

Raspberry n Succulent soft fruit ~ Two Ronnies style farting sound made with the tongue

Remote Controlled Fart Machine n simply the funniest gag of this or any other millennium

rhino stopper v A fart so pungent it can stop a charging Rhino. A very rare fart, in fact there have only been two independantly witnessed 'Rhino Stoppers' in recorded history

rip n short, sharp retort sounding like tearing linen

ripper n see above, now stop submitting it

ripsnorter v Very loud fart, large quantity of gaseous emmisions usually applied to pirates, medieval kings, crazed despots and ballet dancers.

Rolling Dutch Oven n winding up the windows in the car to allow the passenger no respite from your noxious fumes, see Dutch Oven qv

rose n your own fart is a rose by any other name

room clearer n self explanitory

Rooter n medium fart, occaisionally overheard in quiet libraries

Rumble in the Bronx n A fart that is so powerful, if you are sitting down, it will shake whatever shelter you are in

rumbler n long lasting fart that rumbles anything or anyone out of the way and lasts a whole minute!!

S

salsa n when your ass cheeks flap at a very high rate like you're livin' the vida loca.....extremely dangerous

S.B.D. n Silent But Deadly, There's something in the Geneva Convention about this one.

scooter v Someone who just dashes past whilst farting and leaving a horrendous smell

Scud Missile n You know it's coming, but there is sod all you can do about it

scutters n, v especially wet and leaky, having 'the scutters' is a bad thing

Seismic n when someone sharing the same piece of furniture exclaims,"Hey! I felt that!"

Shart v. portmanteau of Fart and Shite indicating that they have occurred together

shot a bunny euph. a fart sedately dropped by an upper class lady

shower fart n wettest of them all. Occur during showering process or slightly after. Bubbling may occur.

silent but violent n a fart stealthy in volume yet supremely pungent in odour, cinema goers curse

skunk n emits a fine and noxious spray with a sssssssssss sound

sledgehammer n so smelly that when wafted into someone's face they instantly recoil, complaining that the smell felt like a sledgehammer blow to the nose. Give yourself a pat on the back for this one.

sleeping fart n when you wake up coughing and fart at the same time.

soup cooler n To fart with ones bumcheeks slightly parted. The net effect is a silent breeze suitable for blowing over a bowl of hot soup

sneezenfart v see kachoo

Snickers blast n a huge, tremendous blast so deadly it can rip a hole through the fartee's pants (sometimes occurs with brown chunks)

Snickerdoodle n the type of name for a fart one uses when having fart wars

sonic blast n Smell followed by sonic boom, for use only on Concorde

spank fart n happens when your Mum spanks you. The implications for future normal development are bad

spoofy n a fart in comic imitation of someone

sputter v A rapid "putt putt putt" from the rear

squeek n so much more than just the sound a mouse makes, this little beauty is likely to clear your house of vermin

stainer n capable of writing your initials in polycotton

stinger n combines a sound and scent with a strange sensation

string of pearls n many small bubbly farts released in quick succession as if a string of gas pearls are being pulled from your bum

supersonic n swift and decisive squirt of air

T

tanker n, sounds like a Mack Truck burning rubber, smell also reminiscent

tear jerker n, literally brings tears to the eyes. Good for use in a Dutch Oven qv

three, two, one, Blastoff n, v Three little farts followed by one big one

thrifty n one who always has farts in store

Tommy Squeaker n long whining sound, always gets a laugh when friends stay over, but usually hums like roadkill

toothless speech, the n, v when the great toothless one makes a loud, unpleasant oration

tootrun n three or more consecutive farts released whilst jogging

touching cloth n, v one of the follow through variety

toxic streamer n silent fainter, deadly as nerve gas, whatever you do, don't cross the streams!!!!

traf n a schoolboys hot gust that blows easily out of the side of short grey trousers early on a cold February morning

trouser cough n often covered with a pretend mouth cough (rumoured to be the Queen's favourite ruse)

trouser trumpet n often covered with a brass band (rumoured to be Alan Titchmarsh's favourite ruse)

trump n a jolly, social fart, used on Bridge evenings

turtle head n the uncomfortable feeling that something more than gas might pop out when you next fart

twang n as if a Banjo resides in your pants. Results in involuntary farts at the mention of Deliverance or George Formby

V

Very Sore Fart n when old bits of poo stick to your bum hole then when you fart your bum cheeks rub together and the sharp bits of poo scratch

W

water fart n leaves you with that uncomfortable hot feeling that you might have peed your pants

wet one n leaves your bottom suspiciously moist

wet willy n warm, wet and powerful, responsible for much freak monsoon weather

whopper n very large fart which whops you round the head

window rattler n gusty

windy v to be gassy. n, large botty breeze, brisk at first, gusting force 8

Worthington Wallop v happens after ten pints and ten hours later you fart and the wife wallops you

Z

zipper n, when you have just gotten into your sleeping bag and zipped it right up in order to fart and let it leak out slowly, good for sleepovers

zump n short, sharp and squeaky